Second Day.

You know what is completely insane?

This blog had almost 700 views today.

That's more than it has had in it's life.

All because of Ethan.

Who am I to be a leading source on the internet for information on Ethan? We weren't best friends or relatives, but we grew up in school together. He was always Ethan who fell asleep in Spanish, or Ethan who fell out of his seat in Psych or Ethan who always had the best witty remarks that made the whole class laugh.

I watched them clean out his locker today.

It was horrible.

About a month ago the school planned for a speaker to come and talk about violence in schools, bullying, suicide, school shootings and the lot. Despite his bad feelings about it, the speaker still came. I'm sure you are aware already, but the day was intense. But, we all needed to hear it I think. Out of all the Juniors and Seniors about three-fourths of us were up together crying and hugging and crying and hugging and crying some more.

Mitchell High School was brought to its knees today.
That's the only illustration I can think of to make you understand.

Oh, and p.s. I looked at where everyone was getting the link to this and the majority came from Neoseeker.com. I'm not completely sure what is, but I looked at Ethan's profile and all the comments and discussions.

And unfortunatly people, this isn't some well thought out joke.

But, I really wish it was.

First Thoughts.

This is a really sad post, so don't read it if you don't want to read anything depressing.

This is how the story starts. . .my alarm clock goes off at almost the exact time that I hear an ambulance on what I think is my road. I slap the alarm clock and peer out my window, but it's still dark and I can't see anything. . .even though my face is pressed against the glass.

I go to school, a little later than normal.

First period is art, I finished my pastel painting of the lion.

Mrs. Mason likes it, tells me to hang it up.

Go to my locker.

Get to my second period class that is one of my favorites, Advanced Psychology.

Kim Charles has a bag of whales and offers some to me.

I graciously decline.

I notice that Dr. Phillips, Mr. Malone, and Mrs. Sears are standing with Ms. Romer outside of the room.

I didn't think anything of it.

They all walk in the room.

I didn't think anything of it.

Ms. Romer's neck is splotchy red and she stands in the front of the room with Dr. Phillips.

I start to wonder.

She shakily sits on her stool.

I'm worried.

"Ethan Beyers committed suicide this morning."

I'm floored.

Glance at the empty desk where he should be.

Everyone around me is sobbing, I'm shaking trying to hold it back. . .but there is no use.

You should know something. If someone said, "Pick twenty people who you might suspect could commit suicide." Ethan would never been on that list.

He had this wonderful dry sense of humor, constantly fell asleep in classes, and had long blond hair that he always flicked out of his face. He carried like six packs of gum in his pocket to hand out to everyone, and he always wore band tee-shirts. When we played Werewolf he gave me the cupid card because he knew I really wanted it, and he laughed when I paired Kim and Nick together.

I'm angry, confused, and so so sad. For his family, for the fact that he felt so sad or alone or whatever it was that drove him to do this, and that everyone else is so sad. I'm angry that he did this to his family, and guilty that I wasn't intentional enough to know that he felt so bad.

Tomorrow is going to be a really hard day at Mitchell High School.

I'm not a spy.

So, I'm pretty sure that the whole Wilson family will be diabetics by the end of this week.

We have two different cakes, two things of brownies, cookies, and who knows what else in our house right now. . .for birthdays.

My brother Avery turned sixteen yesterday.

I shudder at the thought of that boy driving in his motocross flatbill, rap music, and over all bad buttness he thinks he has.

I mean, don't get me wrong. I love the kid. . .but he's a teenage boy.

Welp, the festival is over and out. I'm happy about it.

I borrowed the Irresitable Revolution from Gary's office admist protesting. He said he could only read half of it. You know, I've noticed you either adore or loathe the book. . .so we will see what categorie I fall under.

I have school tomorrow. Let's see if the whole sleep thing actually happens tonight.

I pretty much screwed my chances by taking a two hour nap today. . .fail!

The Case Study

There's this thing about shaving your legs called sometimes you cut your leg.

You feel it slice your leg and there's this moment of suspension when you look at your leg wondering if it's going to bleed a river or not.

You wait that painful few seconds. . .and then. . .

Yep. I'm bleeding. Fail.

Good thing I got the coupon for Band-Aids at CVS the other day.

This week is the Persimmon Festival week here in the Metropolis of a town I live in.
Not to be cruel, but. . .oh . . .how do I say this?

People really crawl out of their holes. Yeah, that wasn't so nice. But really, I see people that I didn't know existed here. Very interesting people.

Some good things about the Persimmon Festival: persimmon pudding, watching the square dancing old people in the parade, counting mullets, and Caroline is coming up!

My fish is still alive.

I'm so glad that it is becoming fall time. I love fall.

Mind you, it's still over 90 degrees outside here. . .but we can pretend.

Here's some things I love about fall:
-Chilly mornings drinking coffee curled in a ball on the couch
-Thick sweaters
-Sitting close to the people next to you at Fall Retreat while singing at campfire
-Persimmon pudding (second reference. . .)
-Skinny jeans and boots with thick socks I most likely got from the drawer in my dad's room
-Pumpkin Spice Latte
-The leaves looking like they are on fire
-Seeing your breath when you first leave your house in the morning
-Slouchy knit berets, scarves, and fingerless gloves
-My yearly reading of Harry Potter
-The crunch of leaves as you walk (or jump) on them
-Halloween, of course! (get ready for our costumes, it's gonna be epic)
-Oh, did I say scarves yet?
-Wait, how about scarves. . .have I said that?
-I got another one- scarves!

Ah, good night.

Where the Heart is.

I'm in this weird knitting mood lately.

Don't get me wrong, I really love to knit.

But, it's almost becoming an addiction.

I love starting something and watching it form as I keep clicking my needles. I'm working on this navy blue scarf right now. It's made up of twelve pieces, each one looks like a chinese fan. Then, when they are all done you sew them together so it has a scalloped look.

Ugh, I'm telling you. I love it.

Just looking around my room I see three other knitting projects I need to finish. A cowl, a hat, and another scarf.

In my purple Jansport bookbag is my Writing and Reading for ACP Composition book right now. And, inside that book is an article we were assigned to read that I am really putting off.

I'm yearning for a good roadtrip right now.
To anywhere.
Just go until that gas runs out.

You should listen to Too Young to Burn by Sonny and the Sunsets.

Over and out.

Can't Touch This

Today was football homecoming!
And that means:
-Pep Session that gets us out of the last two periods
-Football Game (That we flipping won! So, we stormed the field! Which was really fun. I almost fell flat on my face, but I was holding my friend's hand so it was okay.)
-Homecoming Dance. . .which isn't so fun.

Let me just tell you about homecoming dance.
Think Junior High drama, mediocre dance and rap music spun by an annoying d.j., and enough grinding to get a girl pregnant.

I have to go to dances because I'm on student council. . .

Lizzy and I finally got over it and left.
We decided it was so lame and that we could have a much better dance party on our own. So, we did.
It's called turning on my car and blasting M.C. Hammer in the parking lot.
It was so amazing.

I got my new camera in the mail. It's wonderful.

I haven't chosen a name worthy of it yet, but I'm leaning toward Mr. Darcy.

Welp, today was the most stressful day ever. . .it involved a possible plagiarising scare that ended up not being cheating at all (it's always good to confess when you think you've done something wrong!), turning in the most stressful practice summary, and then a failed nap attempt.

So, tomorrow morning I'm getting up no earlier than 9 and then I'm going to the local bakery to get a doughnut and a Cafe Mocha with raspberry.

Good night my friends.

Sale yarn.

I have homework to go with my homework.
Good thing I'm not sleepy at all.
On account of the fact that I fell asleep while watching Phantom of the Opera today between churches.

Pictured right is my big girl ring I got for my birthday!
Exciting stuff, I tell you.

I don't really ever wear jewelry, so this is a nice change.

You know what I'm so excited about?

Sweatshirt and shorts and socks and Birkenstocks weather.
Good stuff.

My October is going to be so exciting! Mary Poppins musical, Fall Retreat, possible trip to the zoo, Fall Break and whatever merriment it holds, and Halloween.

Halloween is one my favorite holidays. I love playing dress up.

Mister Gary Spear is driving me crazy!

I hope you read this!

And you know why you are driving me crazy?

Because you really care about me and are trying to make my life better in the hardest and only possible way!

I suppose I'm a very "repressed" person. . .and I tend to compartmentalize my life.
I've got it down to an art, even. And now Gary and many other people who care about me are pointing that out and are trying to get me to work on all my repression. It sucks.

Good thing I love Gary Spear.

Getting carded.

Hey, so guess what?
I'm a legal adult.
Like exactly right now.
Craziness!

I'm pretty sure someone is pulling a prank on me.
Like my father is going to run up the stairs and yell, "Ah! You aren't really a legal adult yet! We have been pulling a prank on you for all these years!"

And I will yell and slam my door, but secretly think that it makes sense. . .

I mean, think of it! Only two years away from my second decade.

A decade seems like such a long time. I suppose it's not though.

So, I was thinking: "Self, what have I learned these past years?"

Here's some information I find important...things I've lived through to learn. "Important" things, aye?

- Friends are like duct tape, they can fix anything, hold you together, and can make the prettiest and awesome things.
- Tea is better when the water is heated in a kettle, not in the microwave.
- Keeping a fish alive more than a week seems to be a miracle for me.
- Never through away your VHS player, because there's nothing like a Disney movie with friends.
- When you fall down, pick yourself up off the ground, laugh like mad, then put on a band-aid. Always in that order.
- When you lose the remote, just get off your butt and press the buttons on the actual television.
- Mirrors are meant to be used sparingly.
- Always try to follow the rules, except when painting and playing checkers.
- The darkest lettuce is the best.
- The best safety net isn't made out of rope, but good relationships with people who love God more than you.
- Locking your door doesn't lock out the bad things, just like keeping your mouth shut doesn't hold the hurt in.
- "Being faithful in the small things shows God that you can be trusted with the big things." -Gary Spear.
- Photography is wonderful and lovely, but you have to learn not to live life through a camera lens.
- Sunshine is a wonderful thing made to make people happy. Use it!
- People all over the world are the same in the way that they all just want to be loved.
- You don't have to travel a million miles to find someone to help. But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't travel a million miles to help someone, either.
- Although overpriced on Itunes, music is always worth it.
- There is nothing like a cabin full of girls to make you feel truly happy and loved.
- Hold hands with everyone.
- Find places you are truly happy in and hold onto them, and don't think that it will be somewhere obvious.
- There is no greater blessing than colors.
- You see the trend of the importance of having a critical mind and a skepticism toward everything. But, amidst this questioning society and the heartless plundering through books and thoughts. . .try to find a light in everyone you meet and everything you do and everything you do. That little light, that outlook is worth more than a million books and websites and questions. It has the power to rock worlds, make people smile, and turn dark days into happy days.
- In everything you do, do it for more than just you.

Once upon a time. . .

Fairy tales are something I've always been latched onto.

When I was little I watched all of the Disney movies. When I got a little older I read the gloomy stories of The Brothers Grimm or Hans Christian Anderson.

I like the dark ones, the ones in other languages and cultures, and the ones that make you feel warm inside. I like happy endings and princes that save the day. I like shadows, things that lurk in the woods, and fauns.

I've always secretly wondered what it would be like to fall into a life like that, an exciting one.

I'm watching Pan's Labyrinth right now.

I don't get disturbed easily. It really does take a lot.

I watch scary movies like they are going out of style.

But, something about Pan's Labyrinth haunts me and stirs up that feeling of wanting to be apart of an adventure. This movie is in no way a happy one. It's dark, cryptic, murderous, and creepy. The ending is death.

So why is it that I can't get enough? What is it about me that grabs onto these stories and holds on for dear life?

I read a book called Captivating a year or so ago. It's by Stasi Eldredge, the wife of the popular author, John Eldredge.

I remember that she wrote about how a woman is driven by three needs: the need to be romanced, the need to unveil beauty, and the need to be a part of a great adventure.

Is this true? Is this the adventure-some part of me?

The part of me that drives my need to travel and explore? Is this the part of me that drives my desire to do missionary work?

It's funny how fairy tales and real life adventures are so different. How to me right now, my dragon that I am battling is high school. My prince coming to save me is Lipscomb University. My crown is my camera. My evil step-mother really kind of was my evil step-mother. And, instead of singing to animals. . .I sing in the car.

It's just funny.

The day is young.

Another Friday, another lost football game.

Just saying.

Tonight, Darci, Lindsay, and I terrorized Starbucks (yum). I hadn't been in a long while.

Tomorrow, we (by we I mean Darci, Lindsay, Rebecca, Alli, Jocelyn, and I) are getting up bright and early and going up to Bloomington for the 4th Street Art Festival. Then, we are going to eat at Moe's (double yum), and head off to BestBuy to get a new camera for my birthday!
Ah, I'm super pumped.

Tonight at the football game I shivered. I shivered.

It was cold enough that I shivered. And needed a sweatshirt.

Hallelujah. Just saying.

I love sweatshirt weather.

I've started my year long Bible reading on Youversion.com. Each day you get "assigned" so many bible verses to read. I'm doing it for discipline and to learn to love the bible as a piece of literature. I feel like I acknowledge the fact that it is a wonderful and important piece of literature for my life, but I don't appreciate it for what it is: a great book. It's so interesting and deep and twisting and just as entertaining, if not more than what I read.

I want to fall in love with it.

I am so excited about tomorrow, but I should really go to sleep now. Darci doesn't sleep, so she will be up for another 6 hours. I sleep more than I should sooo. . .stay classy San Diego.

Over and out.

It's all tetrisey.

My brother got in a moped wreck.

He looks like he got out of plane wreck.

He has roadburn under his nose, his knee is nasty, and his elbow is gross.

I walked into the kitchen after church and saw the bloody mess of my dumb brother and my jaw dropped.

"Dirtbike?" I ask.

"Moped." he says.

"You better come up with a better story." I laughed. But really, for that much damage he needs a more manly story.

I should be doing anything but blogging right now.

Okay, then. Wish me luck on Calculus and summaries for Lit/Comp.