First Thoughts.

This is a really sad post, so don't read it if you don't want to read anything depressing.

This is how the story starts. . .my alarm clock goes off at almost the exact time that I hear an ambulance on what I think is my road. I slap the alarm clock and peer out my window, but it's still dark and I can't see anything. . .even though my face is pressed against the glass.

I go to school, a little later than normal.

First period is art, I finished my pastel painting of the lion.

Mrs. Mason likes it, tells me to hang it up.

Go to my locker.

Get to my second period class that is one of my favorites, Advanced Psychology.

Kim Charles has a bag of whales and offers some to me.

I graciously decline.

I notice that Dr. Phillips, Mr. Malone, and Mrs. Sears are standing with Ms. Romer outside of the room.

I didn't think anything of it.

They all walk in the room.

I didn't think anything of it.

Ms. Romer's neck is splotchy red and she stands in the front of the room with Dr. Phillips.

I start to wonder.

She shakily sits on her stool.

I'm worried.

"Ethan Beyers committed suicide this morning."

I'm floored.

Glance at the empty desk where he should be.

Everyone around me is sobbing, I'm shaking trying to hold it back. . .but there is no use.

You should know something. If someone said, "Pick twenty people who you might suspect could commit suicide." Ethan would never been on that list.

He had this wonderful dry sense of humor, constantly fell asleep in classes, and had long blond hair that he always flicked out of his face. He carried like six packs of gum in his pocket to hand out to everyone, and he always wore band tee-shirts. When we played Werewolf he gave me the cupid card because he knew I really wanted it, and he laughed when I paired Kim and Nick together.

I'm angry, confused, and so so sad. For his family, for the fact that he felt so sad or alone or whatever it was that drove him to do this, and that everyone else is so sad. I'm angry that he did this to his family, and guilty that I wasn't intentional enough to know that he felt so bad.

Tomorrow is going to be a really hard day at Mitchell High School.