Well, here you go.

I find myself writing in my diary (I keep a blog and a
diary. . . it's whatever) and only writing questions. Questions upon questions upon questions.

Usually these questions are meant to be prayers.

Because I'm just confused.

It's taken me a couple days to gather my thoughts on this. Tim, Ethan, Peter. Three boys from here that have committed suicide within the past year. Not only that, but a boy from a town close by also committed suicide last week. He was friend's with a friend of mine, Becky.

What is up?

I mean, seriously? This needs to stop. This darkness that is engulfing lives and this inability to find or receive love or whatever this is has got to stop! Four teens in a year. Three within weeks.

That's someones brother, friend, son, schoolmate. . . it just makes me angry right now. I'm not sure how else to feel about it. I have no idea how the families of these people are brushing their teeth in the morning, putting on socks, digging their keys out of their purse, pushing buttons on the microwave, waiting at a red light, folding back their blankets to climb into bed, and flipping out the light at night. Does normal just seem shook up? I have no idea.

I don't know what it feels like to lose someone very close to me.

I wasn't close with Ethan, but I still felt like normal wasn't normal. Like I was sucked into some strange place where black was white and I had to see a classmate of mine in a casket. That wasn't supposed to happen.

I can't imagine what Toby and Evan are going through.

I don't know why I'm choosing now to write about this. I could have a couple days ago.

I just didn't feel like it.